Nahema – "Gott spielen"

Nahema journal go. I just dodged a marrowbreach and I feel like a god. Not a God god. An animistic trickster. An ancestor of myself. This is what our bodies did, before the first city.

It felt like playing a game and winning. The most important game ever played.

The damn thing is that I think the marrowbreach was playing with me too. Oh, it would've eaten me if it won. But it was playing. Evolution has equipped it to enjoy its work. Like no human could ever enjoy filling out a loss report.

There is some intrinsic meaning evolution has given us. A purpose, a dharma, an — arete.

No one wants to hear about the meaning in nature. The Mongolians have Tengri, the Eternal Blue Sky, who ordinates the fate and balance of the cosmos. But did he save them from the kharaa? No. Our sky is black and we are done with gods.

Capital has taught everyone that nature is a marketplace of violence, that natural selection is the same as competition and competition is THE key driver of evolution. And if I tell them that no, it's not like that, nature is not operated by the same logic as a publicly traded corporation — the cynicism slams down like a hatch. Everything is a job. Fitness is profit. Profit is life.

It's a trap. And I'm going to find the way out.